Thursday, March 1, 2012

Moving-Kindly Don't Read, Actually I don't know why I'm posting it on my blog wait maybe someone has advice...feel free to give it if you do but don't judge me for this really crappy post mkay

This is going to be one of those absolutely-no-one-cares-but-you'll still post it and reread it in a week and realize how idiotic and cliched and overly angsty is sounds kind of post. Here we go!
So I moved to Israel from the U.S. over last summer and I hate it here, mostly because I miss my friends. (It's aso the snow and politeness and static and familiarity and a ton of other stuff which seems so unique to me now even though everyone has just about the same feelings.)
We've been able to keep in touch decently-two of them sent me a care package which was heartwarming -but last week I was going through a particularly hard time here (which is of course utterly meaningless compared to the actual hard times of people who are actually living a difficult life instead of just complaining about everything they can). But anyways I sent her a ton of whiny-to-needy emails saying that I wanted to talk to her mostly. Most of them were ignored and it was pretty crappy because after I'd started chatting with her she was a lot more removed than she had been before. What's really annoying is that this girl had been my best friend for seven years and I hadn't expected her of all people to start getting cold. In Israel I'm definitely having a hard time with finding new friends, I'm on friendly enough terms with most of the class but haven't actually gotten close to anyone and it's been eight months so I don't think I will either. And I'm always on guard so I don't say the wrong thing and go overboard in whatever it may be. I really miss being able to talk completely openly with a group of friends who support me and don't care if I say shit sometimes instead of constantly replaying what I said wrong and should have censored. And I was also absolutely sure that said girl missed me as much as I missed her so I didn't worry about sending her a ton of the super cheesy i miss you a ton over and over again and now I obviously should have done it less. And I'm obviously reading waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much into one chat but still it's crappy and I miss having actual, non fair weather friends.
I guess I should have expected that the missing the relationship would be far greater on my side than all of them and her's in particular, since they get to keep all their friends, and, um, I don't, but I didn't expect it and it's crappy. At one point in the chat I told her it had been a really hard week and at first she asked me what was wrong then told me she'd talk to me later because she was going to watch tv. Charming.
I want to have a stable group of friends again who I have fun with and don't worry about losing all of the time because they've gotten sick of me since they've been on the verge of that for half a year now. Here I read into it every time a person smiles at me or talks to me for more than two seconds which is exceptionally bothersome since I'm trying to embody the i-don't-care person that Tavi wrote about (Rookiemag) and obviously grasping at the straws of my semi-friendships and caring about my classmate's opinions so much isn't exactly an i don't care kind of persona.
Moving sucks. Yup. Although I'm probably over idealising the U.S.; I remember being intensely bitter in eighth grade about how all of my supposed friends had chosen each other for the rooms in the graduation trip. It clearly wasn't fair to blame them for not putting me on the list but the trip was a month before I was moving and I was stuck with a group of girls who I didn't know too well and who had planned to be with someone else, so they didn't want me there either. Crappy. For most-to-all of the other times, though, I just sort of walked around and mentioned randomly that I was unbelievably content with my life.
Did I mention I'm way too melodramatic sometimes or is that astoundingly obvious?
I miss my old friend who I don't think would have ignored me, or at least she wouldn't have needed to because I was there and actually her friend, and I miss all my other friends and feeling secure and not like yet another person would suddenly realize how much of a loser (YES I REALIZE THIS IS ANTI ROOKIEMAG AND PRO HOLLYWOOD STEREOTYPES DEAL WITH IT PEOPLES) I am and cut off connections which isn't exactly far from what's happening.
All of my old friends were nice and this one was too definitely so it's not a Mean Girls type manipulation, it's just her not wanting to talk to me when I would really really want her there and the whole oh-yeah-we-used-to-be-friends-with-that-girl-but-no-one-keeps-in-touch-with-her-anymore and, oh yeah, we don't really care about her either.
I don't believe there's a particularly strong reason for my lack of friends here and my self confidence has actually gone up quite a bit but still. I want my friends back...
And that is the end of the very catcher in the rye themed but with writing that's a thousand times more terrible and winding and long and rambling since the catcher in the rye is holy and this is just a 14 year old whining about not having enough friends. Yup! Bye peoples!

Someone Is Reading This

Gwen's blog is literally the best thing ever (heh Rookiemag) and she actually might be reading this which is really nice of her and *cue fourteen year old unfortunately-twilight-esque squealing.* (I'm about to die from the utter lack of any form of anything resembling mild Twilight dislike. The whole country thinks Twilight is god's gift to mankind.)
So today I wanted to wear something Phantom of the Opera inspired since I had a bunch of sheer black material and it looked sorta like a cloak. I say inspired since I wanted it to be abstract! Not because I'm way too lazy to actually make the costume. The white mask only cost a dollar since they expect you to buy the super expensive paint with it to decorate, and I didn't.  Here are pics

Weeee fluttery stuff. I look like someone looking ridiculously serious while trying to imitate this guy  http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Count_von_Count 

Yup. I stuck the safety pins connecting to the cloak on my jacket, and just switched jackets to my boring grey one whenever the teacher came into the room, so they wouldn't send me to the wake-up-early Israeli version of detention. (Trying to find a reason why you'd want to know this and failing. Ah well.)
Also a different absolutely boring grey school approved sweatshirt -I WILL STAB MY SCHOOL UNIFORM TO DEATH ONE DAY- had holes in it, so I stuck safety pins in them.
Very intense diy:
Take safety pins, stick them in your shirt, claim I'm the most original person in the world.

Here's a closeup of the bracelet which I do actually like


No one really noticed the safety pins. But for the cloak and mask thing, a ton of people gave me is she crazy looks, and about a dozen asked me why the hell I was wearing it, so yay!
Bye peoples,
Ofir

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Something I've wanted to do for a while

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

That was satisfying. Always look on the bright side of life (:
Heyo. There's something magical about writing for a nonexistent audience. See, I'd never say magical in front of humans unless I was talking about Nutella.
Green Day's been on my mind for a few weeks now- yesterday the fog was really beautiful so I walked around for three hours listening to them, humming American Idiot, and staring at the sky. (That sounds so annoyingly melodramatic but I don't feel like rephrasing it since no one's reading this anyways. See how useful it gets??) And now I just finished Awesome as Fuck and Bullet in a bible, I liked the 2nd one more. That is absolutely essential to your life in every way.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Skateboarding & Green Day again

I really want to learn how to skateboard, it sounds fun and the scene in Back to the Future where he skateboards on the back of the car is amazing. This scene-

Of course I wouldn't be able to actually do that but a girl can hope right??
I'd want one that looks like this~